So, I was at work on Thursday and my co-worker asked me what I was doing for Easter. I told him that I'd be going down to see my folks and eat some delicious ham.
A puzzled look crossed his face and he asked, "Phil, why is considered normal to eat ham on Easter?"
I replied with a completely deadpan delivery, "Because after Jesus was crucified and entombed, his followers went on a rampage and killed the Pharisees with pork legs. This is also why observant Jews consider pork to be unclean."
He started to nod, followed by the waaaaait-a-minute face, and then glared at me. "People should not be able to spout complete and utter bullshit as well as you do."
Today, while reprising this gem of bullshit to graymalkn
, I changed it to the idea of God being wroth with the death of his one and only son rained ham down upon the evil doer Jews and smote them. It was then that I had a HORSE ON FIRE!!! Imagine the following:
Scene: Jerusalem, early Roman Imperial period. It is dusk.
A very special post-Passover crucifixion extravaganza has taken place but it is over now. The last of the condemned went in the ground three days ago, but even at this hour the slaves are still cleaning up Golgotha to get it ready for the next event.The first shooting star crosses the sky. Then another. Then more. Soon comes the first flash and cloud of dust when a building explodes in a Michael Bay-esque manner as a meteor strikes the city. It will not be the last. The next morning, the shephards from the outskirts of the city creep in, drawn by the smell of a sumptious feast but they find no one to greet them as they approach what remains of the walls. Fires are still burning here and there.
They head to the Temple but it is not there. Instead there is only a crater, but there's something at the bottom. The bravest of the ragged band of shephards scampers down the still warm crater wall.
At the bottom is a perfectly cooked and honey glazed ham. Its re-entry burn left it juicy and succulent with a perfect carmelized shell. The shephard cannot resist this perfection and buries his face in it. The other shephards find hams of their own in other craters.
And thus the first Easter was celebrated.