funranium: (Science Diet)
Funranium Labs field research operative [ profile] leifvignirsson has taken it upon himself to administer samples of his stock of The Black Blood of the Earth (BBotE) to friends and co-workers.  After consuming his aliquot, Test Subject X-Ray Technician then embarked on a road trip to Sacramento.  Somewhere outside of our fair capital, he was pulled over and issued a ticket for speeding.  This, of course, prompts a new disclaimer:

"Funranium Labs accepts no responsibility for the perceived effects of time dilation you may experience while imbibing BBotE or BBotE-based concotions.  Any attempts you make to adjust actions to your BBotE frame of reference including, but not limited to, increased driving speed, watching movies/listening to music at x4 play, and playing video games at inadvisably high difficulty will be regarded as hilarious by Funranium Labs personnel." 

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programing.
funranium: (SCIENCE!)
Extreme case test subjects are important for boundary data in any study. Test Subject Philosopher was chosen due to my prior philosopher experiences in college. Anecdotal evidence suggest that philosophers are either teetotalers indulging only in self generation of endorphins and adrenalin or that they subsist on a diet almost exclusively composed of coffee, alcohol, peyote, and tobacco (though not necessarily in that order).

After an administration of approximately 40ml of the Black Blood of the Earth, within 10 minutes the subject reported heightened alertness. Prior to administration, the subject had been exhibiting signs of fatigue (i.e. yawning), possibly boredom, in the previous five hours; this ceased after administration. Eyes appeared to be opened wider although there was no twitching in the extremities at this time.

Reports after my departure suggest that subject began engaging in "risky behaviors". The subject made a curry based on the Black Blood of the Earth (since dubbed "The Eye of Kali")and consumed it, doing further self-administration.

Thank you for your participation in this study, [ profile] zentiger.
funranium: (Science Diet)
In honor of Egg Shen from Big Trouble in Little China, I have decided to name this ultra-coffee "Black Blood of the Earth" or BBotE for short.

Also I forgot a memorable moment that needs sharing:

[ profile] blark's cup of unadulterated BBotE is now half empty.  He grabs his water bottle and pours the remainder into the cup.  He looks at it and then puts his hand up because He Needs An Adult.  He says with concern, "I added water but it didn't change color."

We all wander over to peak into the dark heart of his mug.  Even diluted to 50% of the original strength, it is still as black, oily, and potentially lethal as a tar pit.

Black Blood of the Earth, indeed.

funranium: (SCIENCE!)
A couple days ago, [ profile] chronovore made a post regarding viennese triple cold brewing.  I looked around my kitchen and decided that I had most of the important labware necessary to conduct this experiment.  This was worthwhile because the process claims to extract 100% of the caffiene with minimal acidity courtesy of using cold water rather than hot.  The directions which I pulled from teh interwubs instructed me to do the following:

1) Get a pound of coffee (I chose Colombian medium roast)
2) Give it a nice medium grind
3) Steep it in 9 cups of cold water for 12-24 hours
4) Strain and serve diluted 3:1 or 4:1 with water or milk

The first important question was "How do I get a coffee filter into my separatory funnels?"  This sticking point and the more important one of pressure cementing of the coffee in the tip of the funnel made preparation difficult.  See below:


The true glory was met by the third iteration of the experiment where I put the grind in a 4L Erlenmeyer flask, covered with a watch glass, and let it sit on the counter for a day.  Batch 3 was by far the most potent.  By my calculations, I produced the equivalent of 145 cups of conventional coffee worth of caffiene in 5.7 cups of volume.  I am terrified by the idea of passing Batch 3 through this entire process two more times to achieve the coffee [ profile] chronovore had.

The results of one pass, undiluted, were remarkable:

Subject 1, [ profile] blark, consumed samples of Batches 1, 2, and 3 showing wakefulness but no other untoward effects.  He declared the coffee to be "tasty".

Subject 2, Astro Mike, who consumed Batch 3, was similarly unphased.

Subject 3, [ profile] _bats_, had several sips of Batch 3 prior to breakfast with two cups of Baker's Square coffee and followed it with the remainder of the Batch 3 mug upon return.  [ profile] _bats_  entered a state of hyperactivity requiring "walkies" outside, rapid speech, and much bouncing from one foot to another prior to complete burnout and crash for a period of an hour.  Full recovery was made within three hours.

Subject 4, [profile] elonwy_h , had 1/4 of a cup of Batch 3 upon arrival at my house, though anectodal evidence suggests she had consumed 3 cups of "Big Island Style" coffee in the morning beforehand.  She exhibited hypervigilance, emitting high pitched yelps and squeaks at the slightest noise or startling movement.  She too showed the nervous energy of [ profile] _bats_ with similar crash, though not as severe.

Subject 5, my father, added his 100mL of Batch 3 to his half empty cup of coffee as a top off.  No noticable effects.  He described the coffee as "good".

Strangley, both [ profile] _bats_ and [profile] elonwy_h reported a sensation of time contraction where four hours of elapsed time seemed to be no more than one hour of subjective time, tops.

I need an NSF grant for further exploration.  There seems to be some kind of sex linked trait going on here.

December 2012

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