I checked my spam box today, as it runneth over with thousands of messages from a bulletin board gone wild, and found one that stood out. A message of such import that it cannot be ignored. Its subject line is one that I have deleted a hundred times before and will again, but one thing stopped me.
The date. The spam was dated 19 Jan 2038.
Chad from Canada, approximately thirty years hence, wants me to lose weight and avail myself of cheap online medications, presumably to help with my penis size. The facts of the matter are this:
- Canada will develop transtemporal communication.
- Canada is so concerned about American health care problems in the early 21st century that it was necessary to send a message down time. Specifically, weight and virility.
What can we infer from this? My guess is that American obesity will become so dire that the very survival of the planet is at stake. Presumably, the rest of planet Earth's men are no longer viable breeding stock for some reason or another. America's men must be used, however they have grown so fat that their penises are no longer accessible. The twin solution to this is try to reduce this fat burden and simultaneously increase penis size so that something can peek beyond the sweaty rolls into the realms of sexual utility.
Efforts on the extant American men of the 2030's must be a lost cause and the only hope is to try to fix the problem in the past.
Please, think of the future.