A Pleistocene Moment If You Will

I would like to take this moment out of my work day to wax poetic about God's most perfect beast, the arisnotherium.

It could trample like a pachyderm but its two forward jutting horns give it the Moe eye poke of the gods themselves. It looks like a rhinoceros but its closest relative we have found is actually the rock hyrax. I suspect that they didn't go extinct but instead reduced themselves to a singularity of awesome and thus vanished from our reality.

Most importantly, if you misspell their name it leads you to imagine herds of Arsino Hall's, calling their characteristic giving it up to the dog pound, or perhaps thylacine pound, as they bound across the Saharan veldt of yore.

Also, I have decided that from now one that I will be referring to defensive players in football and rugby as "team megafauna".

Galatia Epilogue #1

“Tea, m’lord?”

“Why yes, certainly. No yak milk please.”

“Do you think the war party will return soon, m’lord?”

He took a moment to gaze into the swirling tea.  “Presently, my pet. Your courtyard will soon be graced by a most…unique…statue. My father-in-law is a most efficient motivator of men, even under trying circumstances.”

“Trying, m’lord? Bad casualties?”

“Remarkably light I should wager. After all, the Alderman isn’t fool enough to bring an elf into the ruins of Galatia.” Not as fool as we were.

 

They sat quietly for a while longer. Elias sighed deeply as he enjoyed the foot massage for few extra minutes, knowing that life was about to become interesting again.

 

“Alright, all good things come to an end."  He stood up from the comfy chair.  "Straighten your robes and come sit in your throne. I must be going.”

 

Elias paused at the door of the room, took the crown off his head and threw it back to the jarl. “Time for you to be my king for the smallfolk again, your grace. I’m off to entertain the wife.”

He could feel the resolve, independence, and dominance of the jarl’s unadjusted personality returning as he walked through the town.  Much harder than Torgo to manage but so much more worthwhile.  Shame the old woman had to die.  Oma was a wealth of pithy hearth wisdom, much like Antler Bear used to be, but she could see the change and didn't like it.  Ah well.

 

Elias watched the cart with the statue strapped to it roll down the road as it passed by his front window.  He gave his rather pregnant wife a hug. She looked up and gave him a kindly smile

 

He returned the smile and looked back at the cart.  Despite the tarps, the shape of wings was unmistakable.  “All will be well. We are the innocent and angels shall be our protectors above.”  

 

But we won’t lose their favor like Galatia did.

Galatia Epilogue #2

Sweetfuckingasscrackers is nothing but Words.

His name is an elaborate curse in the local vulgate, but that's just because they are uncultured savages who don't know the Imperial tongue. They called him Ass for short. Sometimes they even used it for a name rather than a description.

He is a drunken rant on incompetence and bloody stupid in a Grundistad bar after the blacksmith gets off duty.

He is the on the lips of bards singing the tragicomedy "Ass of the Interdictor" to the raucous laughter of audiences around the world.

He is a frothing rage from an undead gun toting spirit of vengeance spat forth every time before splitting a petty thief's head open.

He is a guilty story told to dozens of children with red hued skin and a penchant for pyromania when they finally ask, "Where's my daddy?"

He is one of the names on a breach of contract form submitted to Thompson Acquisition & Life Insurance for "collection".

When we pass, all that is left of us are the words of our deeds passing around world in stories and paperwork. Ass is all that and two Words more.

Ringing in his fused glass tomb, humming, whispering, screaming, singing. Two Words, Ass shaped, burning incandescently bright, trapped, heard by no one.

As Fighter Says...

I'm a double super genius.



Of course, if I really was I would have known better than to try to show Event Horizon to my beloved and thus actually have gotten a respectable sleep last night.

In summation:

Character Name - Phil
Alignment - Heterosexual
INT - high
WIS - low
STR - questionable
DEX - please don't make me catch things
CON - bet I can eat that
CHA - can't do that dance