When Phil Helps People With A Fireplace Move...

Conversation 1:

Person A - "Will this burn?"
Phil - *grab item* *toss* *crackle, crackle*  "Yes"

Conversation 2:

Person B - "You can't burn that!"
Phil - *looks at thing burning*  "Yes, I can."

Conversation 3:

Phil - "I need you to do a size reduction on that."
Person C - "Why?"
Phil - "It's too big to burn at the moment."

Conversation 4:

Person D - "Do you think anyone would want this?"
Phil - *appraises item for flammability*  "The fire wants it."

Repeat these conversations several times over with different people for twelve hours.  Who needs U-Haul for a dump run when you have fire?  

I smell of smoke.  I suspect I am leaving a trail of the non-porn variety of smut wherever I go.