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funraniumIn my efforts to not be pissed off at my group project for radioecology, I have written this, as requested, and inspired by the benchilada
First off, I want to state that I think there should be a Ministry of Weird Shit. This is the branch of the government that rolls up the newspaper and baps the other branches of the government on the nose and says, " You aren't old enough to play with this", when Weird Shit is found, created, or drops out of the sky. Unfortunately, it would probably have to be staffed by Atlanteans or something because no one else who'd volunteer would be competent to do it.
benchiladaFirst off, I want to state that I think there should be a Ministry of Weird Shit. This is the branch of the government that rolls up the newspaper and baps the other branches of the government on the nose and says, " You aren't old enough to play with this", when Weird Shit is found, created, or drops out of the sky. Unfortunately, it would probably have to be staffed by Atlanteans or something because no one else who'd volunteer would be competent to do it.
Anyway...
It is quite clear that this thing, physically speaking, should not work. Its mere concept is a blatant, pants down, ass waving at the laws of thermodynamics. This does not change the fact that I am here at the Smithsonian looking at the first, and last remaining, specimen of the United States Army M1D Infantry Disintegrator. It has been quite a while since the United States let something silly like physics stand in the way of progress.
I should step back and say that I greatly admire the Army. It takes a very special individual to be willing to kill and be killed. Such potential is much better used elsewhere rather than within our borders recreationally.
The problem with the Army, as an institution, is that there are some ideas it just will not let go of, EVER. One of those ideas is "Can *INSERT HORRIBLE ENGINE OF DEATH HERE* be made handheld?" I am quite certain that some legatus in the Roman Empire appropriated an entire province worth of taxes in an attempt to develop a wrist ballista.
In World War I, they figured out how to turn artillery into an item that could be carried by a man. By World War II, machine guns were out of the emplacement and securely in the hands. In the dawn of the Atomic Age, it happened again and every good soldier needed a personal atomic bomb. After 10 years of deployment in the field, it was decided that the M-388 Davy Crockett probably wasn't a good idea. The M1D Infantry Disintegrator is almost unique in military history in that it came to them already in a convenient handheld size.
What it lacked, however, was a manual. If it had one, it died with it's discoverer.
We don't know his name, though the assumption is that he was an escaped mental patient with minimal sartorial talent that raided the discount racks at his local Jo-Ann Fabrics. The poorly fitting chartreuse stretch velvet body suit, with a large "D" on the chest in puce sequins, and army surplus knee high rubber boots led authorities to guess that he thought he was a superhero of some sort. Witnesses report that during a shoplifting at strip mall in Normal, IL this man ran after the shoplifter shouting incoherently until "D" fired a strange, toy like pistol at the him.
Despite his super hero costume, he missed and struck a mylar balloon tied to a child's stroller on the opposite side of the street. It went incandescent and then exploded in a blast that levelled the Monical's Pizza and and severely damaged nearby buildings. Police officers, who had been watching the foot chase with bemusement, opened fire on "D", killing him.
The disintegrator was confiscated by police, who then had it confiscated by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, who then casually dropped it into the Department of Defense's mailbox, who then ordered certain individuals at the Lockheed-Sandia "to figure this thing out and make more". Certain fringe elements began shouting that Buck Rodgers and Flash Gordon had been documentaries from the future and that this weapon was proof of it.
As the informational plaque here in the Smithsonian tells me, "While the underlying mechanics of the M1D were never fully understood, the scientists and engineers at Sandia were able to duplicate the design and made a limited production run of 41 disintegrator pistols for testing purposes at Fort Shafter, HI."
I haven't thought about Hawaii in a long time. Some of that old time tropical warmth sounds really good.
The 41 duplicate M1Ds were shipped to Fort Shafter aboard a C-130 on October 12th (the original remained in Albuquerque, NM). The target range was completed by the 15th while the soldiers who would be testing them for combat use familiarized themselves with the M1D. Target shooting, at stacked piles of volcanic rock, began with the master sergeant's order at 0630, October 16th. The same C-130 that has brought the M1Ds to Fort Shafter had taken off on a return trip to Fort Lewis, WA twenty minutes earlier. They were the first ones to bring the story of what happened to the world.
Sandia claims that the disintegrator seems to nullify the strong nuclear forces that bind the nucleus of atoms together, effectively causing anything the disintegrator stuck to self-annihilate like uranium in a nuclear blast. The collateral damage from the item being disintegrated was typically much more than the targeted item.
Sandia had never tested firing 41 disintegrators all at once. They never thought anyone would do that. The Sandia scientists obviously weren't familiar with Army firing drills.
A large portion of Mauna Loa went incandescent, just like the balloon in Normal had, and exploded. The explosion shattered the island, sending the whole southern side into the ocean as the rift zone let go. The oceans briefly retreated from the island and then came smashing back, engulfing the raw lava filled wounds the disintegrators and landslide had left. The island then exploded again, but this time from steam, just as Krakatoa had.
In minutes, Hawaii was gone. The three waves of tsunamis generated by its death scraped the rest of the Hawaiian Islands clean and devasted the entire Pacific Rim. For the rest of the world, the trouble had only started.
After the tsunamis most people were too scared of the coasts to go near them, even here in Washington, D.C. which was on the Atlantic. Then it got too cold, and most people headed south. If you look hard enough, you can find food stashed here and there. Plenty of sturdy buildings to stay out of the elements in, just like this one.
Best thing about the Smithsonian is that it's right next to the old Capitol building. The guys living in there are always happy to share a ream or two of legislation to keep warm. I'd never dream of burning any of the stuff in here, even that clunky looking M1D in the display.
It is quite clear that this thing, physically speaking, should not work. Its mere concept is a blatant, pants down, ass waving at the laws of thermodynamics. This does not change the fact that I am here at the Smithsonian looking at the first, and last remaining, specimen of the United States Army M1D Infantry Disintegrator. It has been quite a while since the United States let something silly like physics stand in the way of progress.
I should step back and say that I greatly admire the Army. It takes a very special individual to be willing to kill and be killed. Such potential is much better used elsewhere rather than within our borders recreationally.
The problem with the Army, as an institution, is that there are some ideas it just will not let go of, EVER. One of those ideas is "Can *INSERT HORRIBLE ENGINE OF DEATH HERE* be made handheld?" I am quite certain that some legatus in the Roman Empire appropriated an entire province worth of taxes in an attempt to develop a wrist ballista.
In World War I, they figured out how to turn artillery into an item that could be carried by a man. By World War II, machine guns were out of the emplacement and securely in the hands. In the dawn of the Atomic Age, it happened again and every good soldier needed a personal atomic bomb. After 10 years of deployment in the field, it was decided that the M-388 Davy Crockett probably wasn't a good idea. The M1D Infantry Disintegrator is almost unique in military history in that it came to them already in a convenient handheld size.
What it lacked, however, was a manual. If it had one, it died with it's discoverer.
We don't know his name, though the assumption is that he was an escaped mental patient with minimal sartorial talent that raided the discount racks at his local Jo-Ann Fabrics. The poorly fitting chartreuse stretch velvet body suit, with a large "D" on the chest in puce sequins, and army surplus knee high rubber boots led authorities to guess that he thought he was a superhero of some sort. Witnesses report that during a shoplifting at strip mall in Normal, IL this man ran after the shoplifter shouting incoherently until "D" fired a strange, toy like pistol at the him.
Despite his super hero costume, he missed and struck a mylar balloon tied to a child's stroller on the opposite side of the street. It went incandescent and then exploded in a blast that levelled the Monical's Pizza and and severely damaged nearby buildings. Police officers, who had been watching the foot chase with bemusement, opened fire on "D", killing him.
The disintegrator was confiscated by police, who then had it confiscated by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, who then casually dropped it into the Department of Defense's mailbox, who then ordered certain individuals at the Lockheed-Sandia "to figure this thing out and make more". Certain fringe elements began shouting that Buck Rodgers and Flash Gordon had been documentaries from the future and that this weapon was proof of it.
As the informational plaque here in the Smithsonian tells me, "While the underlying mechanics of the M1D were never fully understood, the scientists and engineers at Sandia were able to duplicate the design and made a limited production run of 41 disintegrator pistols for testing purposes at Fort Shafter, HI."
I haven't thought about Hawaii in a long time. Some of that old time tropical warmth sounds really good.
The 41 duplicate M1Ds were shipped to Fort Shafter aboard a C-130 on October 12th (the original remained in Albuquerque, NM). The target range was completed by the 15th while the soldiers who would be testing them for combat use familiarized themselves with the M1D. Target shooting, at stacked piles of volcanic rock, began with the master sergeant's order at 0630, October 16th. The same C-130 that has brought the M1Ds to Fort Shafter had taken off on a return trip to Fort Lewis, WA twenty minutes earlier. They were the first ones to bring the story of what happened to the world.
Sandia claims that the disintegrator seems to nullify the strong nuclear forces that bind the nucleus of atoms together, effectively causing anything the disintegrator stuck to self-annihilate like uranium in a nuclear blast. The collateral damage from the item being disintegrated was typically much more than the targeted item.
Sandia had never tested firing 41 disintegrators all at once. They never thought anyone would do that. The Sandia scientists obviously weren't familiar with Army firing drills.
A large portion of Mauna Loa went incandescent, just like the balloon in Normal had, and exploded. The explosion shattered the island, sending the whole southern side into the ocean as the rift zone let go. The oceans briefly retreated from the island and then came smashing back, engulfing the raw lava filled wounds the disintegrators and landslide had left. The island then exploded again, but this time from steam, just as Krakatoa had.
In minutes, Hawaii was gone. The three waves of tsunamis generated by its death scraped the rest of the Hawaiian Islands clean and devasted the entire Pacific Rim. For the rest of the world, the trouble had only started.
After the tsunamis most people were too scared of the coasts to go near them, even here in Washington, D.C. which was on the Atlantic. Then it got too cold, and most people headed south. If you look hard enough, you can find food stashed here and there. Plenty of sturdy buildings to stay out of the elements in, just like this one.
Best thing about the Smithsonian is that it's right next to the old Capitol building. The guys living in there are always happy to share a ream or two of legislation to keep warm. I'd never dream of burning any of the stuff in here, even that clunky looking M1D in the display.
