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A Gift Gone Awry, Times Three
Dec. 23rd, 2008 09:23 pmOnce upon a time, I got taken to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nyxof_thenight's birthday party at a bonfire on Twin Lakes Beach. I barely knew her at this point so when I was brought up to her I apologized for my lack of gift. I asked what she would like. She replied "Smokes, booze, porn...whatever."
So, I left the beach withshouldibejoe, her boyfriend at the time, and I walked up to Seabright Liquor. I picked up a fifth of Bacardi gold. Then I went over to the porn stand a picked up a copy of the latest High Society. shouldibejoe had a look of horror and fascinated admiration as I did so and said to me, "No...you can't...", as I asked the registerjockey for a pack of Camels. I then walked back down to the beach, gifts in hand, like all three Wise Men in one with the Greatest Of All Gifts and presented them to her.
"Here's yer smokes...and yer booze...and here's yer porn. Happy birthday!" I said.
Several months later, she was moving out of her lonely room. Amongst all the detritus, in the middle of the room all by its lonesome, was the copy of High Society I'd gotten her for her birthday. I asked why it was sitting there in the middle of the room. Her reply: "BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FIT IN ANY OF MY BOXES!!!"
Porn needs its own box. It was a gift, which meant it couldn't be thrown away, but it didn't fit with anything else. I understood her quandry and resolved to remedy this problem.
I went down to a different liquor store which sold the porn value packs with a half dozen skin mags bundled together for a low low price. I then hid them around her new house, so that no matter where she went she was in danger of finding Stealth Porn. In her boots, deep in the closet, there was the largest dildo EVAR threatening vaginal tears. In the tank of her toilet, there was a mag in a ziploc bag flipped open to some splendiferous cunnilingus. In the freezer, a 12" erect black cock awaited the unsuspecting next to the frozen veggies and ice cubes. Et cetera...
When she moved out of that house, she had enough porn to fill a box of its own.
Let it never be said I'm not helpful.
Merry Christmas.
nyxof_thenight's birthday party at a bonfire on Twin Lakes Beach. I barely knew her at this point so when I was brought up to her I apologized for my lack of gift. I asked what she would like. She replied "Smokes, booze, porn...whatever."So, I left the beach with
shouldibejoe, her boyfriend at the time, and I walked up to Seabright Liquor. I picked up a fifth of Bacardi gold. Then I went over to the porn stand a picked up a copy of the latest High Society. shouldibejoe had a look of horror and fascinated admiration as I did so and said to me, "No...you can't...", as I asked the registerjockey for a pack of Camels. I then walked back down to the beach, gifts in hand, like all three Wise Men in one with the Greatest Of All Gifts and presented them to her."Here's yer smokes...and yer booze...and here's yer porn. Happy birthday!" I said.
Several months later, she was moving out of her lonely room. Amongst all the detritus, in the middle of the room all by its lonesome, was the copy of High Society I'd gotten her for her birthday. I asked why it was sitting there in the middle of the room. Her reply: "BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FIT IN ANY OF MY BOXES!!!"
Porn needs its own box. It was a gift, which meant it couldn't be thrown away, but it didn't fit with anything else. I understood her quandry and resolved to remedy this problem.
I went down to a different liquor store which sold the porn value packs with a half dozen skin mags bundled together for a low low price. I then hid them around her new house, so that no matter where she went she was in danger of finding Stealth Porn. In her boots, deep in the closet, there was the largest dildo EVAR threatening vaginal tears. In the tank of her toilet, there was a mag in a ziploc bag flipped open to some splendiferous cunnilingus. In the freezer, a 12" erect black cock awaited the unsuspecting next to the frozen veggies and ice cubes. Et cetera...
When she moved out of that house, she had enough porn to fill a box of its own.
Let it never be said I'm not helpful.
Merry Christmas.
